I feel the marketing team for this film should have placed an ellipsis in the title: "Pride and Prejudice...and Zombies", because the zombies might as well be an afterthought. If last October's Scouts' Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse proved the zombie trend was dead to its audience, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies proves it's dead to Hollywood. What it leaves on the table is a shoddy adaptation of Jane Austen's novel, with the kind of violence and cleavage that executives calculate will bring in the teenage boy demographic.
Austen's novel, about romance and opposition to rigid Victorian English custom, remains similar, with a few notable differences. London has been overrun with a virus that creates zombies, so as a result, the aristocracy holes up in the center of the city. They build a hundred-foot-wall around the perimeter, a moat whose size rivals the Panama Canal, and cut off all entrances in and out of the safe zone except for one bridge, guarded by every soldier possible.
The Bennet daughters are now warriors, trained by their father (Charles Dance) to defend themselves from the undead. Their mother (Sally Phillips) still holds fast to tradition, pushing her daughters to attract wealthy, marriage-worthy suitors. Elizabeth (Lily James) is the most opposed, feeling society's expectations of femininity threatens her individuality. Her other sisters, including Jane (Bella Heathcote), are more accepting, and when they're invited to a dance, Jane starts a courtship with a charming noble, Mr. Bingley (Douglas Booth).
Bingley is accompanied by his friend, Colonel D'Arcy (Sam Riley), a stern, arrogant man who's focused more on anti-zombie measures than a woman's curves in a corset. In his first talks with Elizabeth, the two butt heads, and start to hate each other, but as a conspiracy threatens to unite a zombie army and bring about the apocalypse, the duo may have to work together to save their way of life, and possibly fall in love in the process.
Burr Steers directs a clumsy script (which he also writes), ill-paced and unsure of how to balance romance and horror. The answer, I suppose, is to weigh the movie down with subplots, including one featuring a eyepatch-wearing lady (Lena Headey) who wants her daughter (given no dialogue or even a name) to marry D'Arcy, and one where a foppish parson (Matt Smith), COUSIN of the Bennetts, arrives at town to desperately try to wed and bed one of them. Charming.
If the movie were at least outlandish, I'd be more inclined to treat it as a glorified B-movie, in the vein of Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters. However, the film spends many scenes indoors, with proper English folk either detailing exposition, or partaking in the "woman as trophy or titan?" argument. Both are handled lazily, serving to pad out the movie to 107 minutes.
The zombies are given the CGI treatment, to where they look like the products of a Snapchat filter. We do see the usual rogues gallery: the horde, the top-half crawlers, and the Two-Face (human on the left, zombie on the right). They're zombies, and for the most part, the movie keeps it simple. However, in the later half, a development arises in a church scene that takes the mythology and spits in its face. If you were mad at what Twilight did to vampires, you ain't seen nothing yet.
This is a classic case of a film that dawdles around like a teen procrastinating their essay until the last minute, where they cram loads of information in little time. The movie tries to tease forthcoming elements until the end, but it's handled awkwardly and abruptly, to the point of confusion; I wondered if I had blinked and missed something. When the third act rolls around, it's sloppy and anti-climactic. The fights are forgettable, reminding me of better videos on YouTube (Freddie Wong's work comes to mind); the acting is lifeless; the mid-credits scene feels hacked off from the ending.
Instead of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, watch a double feature of Pride and Prejudice (the 2005 version with Keira Knightley) and Return of the Living Dead. You'll satisfy both cravings and stay awake.
Thank you all for reading, I'm the Man Without a Plan, signing off.
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