Seth MacFarlane's "A Million Ways To Die In the West" satirizes Westerns with a vibrant, romanticized production design, but the similarities to "Blazing Saddles" stop there. This has little of the charm and none of the wit Mel Brooks and team infused 40 years ago. MacFarlane can satirize well; the "Family Guy" parodies of "Star Wars" teased the originals with love while succeeding on their own merits. Here, when the plot doesn't drag, the jokes are at best unfunny, at worst, horrendous.
MacFarlane plays Albert Stark, an unskilled sheep farmer living in the town of Old Stump in 1882. His disdain for the "American West" is legendary, rivaling the most cultured 21st Century historian. Full of rampant shootouts, primitive medicine, and cholera, Stark's environment sickens him. The only thing keeping him going is his lovely girlfriend Louise (Amanda Seyfried), whom, dissatisfied with Albert's wishy-washy demeanor, breaks up with him for Foy (Neil Patrick Harris), a rich, wondrously mustachioed snob.
At the same time, a ruthless team of bandits, led by Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson) zone in on Old Stump. Clinch sends his disgruntled wife Anna (Charlize Theron) and another bandit in to spy for a week, giving him and the rest of the crew time to rest before the ransacking begins. After Albert saves Anna during a bar fight, the two develop a friendship, but her past is unbeknownst to Albert, and may end up putting him in the middle of affairs that are way over his head.
My "Blazing Saddles" comparison starts and ends with the production design, which is similarly vibrant and romanticized. The opening credits fly through the mountains with grand titles and a bouncy, adventurous score; the atmosphere is wonderfully set. Star-lit skies, wide landscapes, and subtly sepia-toned settings make the film not only faithful to its genre, but visually appealing.
For whatever the movie has going for it in looks, the humor murders. The movie treats its audience like imbeciles, pairing each joke with an explanation, just in case we didn't get it the first time around. Stark is such a coward, he runs away from the comedy. It's as if MacFarlane is scared the character can't hold his own with the movie's jokes. To be fair, I don't blame Albert: one can only take so many bodily fluids and grotesque dismemberment. There's no punchline under the surface; the jokes are obvious, crass, and unpleasant.
Each character is given one note and one joke to work off of; this is a waste of talented cast, primarily Sarah Silverman and Neil Patrick Harris. (I didn't think it was possible for him to fall flat, but boy was I wrong.) The only ones unharmed are Charlize Theron, whose spunk, snark, and fun-loving attitude carry most of the film, and Liam Neeson, who relishes in playing the over-the-top bad-ass. Both infuse enough charm to get me through the movie.
For an hour and fitfy-five minutes, the movie slumps along, padding out the story with meaningless subplots. When the climax is teased, the movie continues on, throwing in more unfunny jokes, constantly draining on my nerves. I'm surprised I didn't leave the theater with a headache. I'm going to consider this my one saving grace.
Have I made my feelings towards "A Million Ways To Die In The West" known? I'm going to sum this up: this movie was insufferable: unfunny, offensive, boring, and irritating without a shred of charm. I was furious in the theater, the parking lot, and the restaurant where I went to get lunch afterwards. All hope abandon ye who enter here. Thanks for reading; I'm the Man Without A Plan, signing off.
"A Million Ways To Die In The West" Review
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