"Dope" Review

Dope is one of the year's best surprises: a hip-hop fueled comedy with the wanderer's spirit of O Brother, Where Are Thou? and the bite of Do The Right Thing. Premiering in January at the Sundance Festival, the movie's garnered a fair amount of buzz for its pairing of 90's pop culture and modern technology, devil-may-care tone, and skillful writing. Dope oozes 'cool'.

Malcolm (Shameik Moore) is a nerd, with straight A's, a love of computers, and dreams of a Harvard acceptance letter. He's also a geek on a nostalgia kick, specifically with the 90's; he listens to Nas and A Tribe Called Quest on his Walkman, wears bright fluorescent shirts and retro Jordans, and tops it off with one of the freshest Flattops I've ever seen. His style may clash with the other kids, but with best friends Diggy (Kiersey Clemons) and Jib (Tony Revolori of Grand Budapest Hotel fame) by his side, Malcolm navigates his tough Inglewood, California neighborhood - nicknamed "The Bottoms" - dodging all manner of threats, from bullies to gangsters and drug dealers.

(from left to right) Jib, Diggy, and Malcolm

Some days are harder than others; after being stopped by dope peddler Dom (A$ap Rocky), Malcolm is told to send a message to Nakia (Zoë Kravitz), inviting her to Dom's birthday party that night. Malcolm and Nakia hit it off; she says she'll go only if he does. At the party, Malcolm, Diggy, and Jib enjoy the festivities, bun when the cops raid the club, a gunfight breaks and everyone rushes to get out. At school the next day, Malcolm is stunned to find in his backpack a gun and several bags of ecstasy. The rest of the movie sees him scrambling to get rid of the contraband, in a slippery slope of crazy events with equally crazy characters, including donut-loving gangsters, a drop-dead gorgeous siren, and a hacker who's possibly stoned more than he is sober.

Dope is, in essence a John Hughes movie soaked in hip-hop bombast. The photography has a 90's vibe, like Tarantino meets a Biggie Smalls music video. However, the movie takes advantage of its modern day setting, showing the events of a party through Twitter statuses and YouTube videos. While in other movies, these moments can feel gimmicky, here, they're balanced well, used for comic effect. The film doesn't shy away from harsh language or violence, but mixes them with levity and dark wit. It's not comedy for shock's sake; in this environment, it makes sense for one to approach difficult situations with humor as a coping mechanism.

Shameik Moore is a strong leading man; he completely sells me on his intelligence and resourcefulness, while also portraying the naivete of a teenager. Kiersey Collins cracks me up; Diggy's sarcasm and sharp tongue makes for some of the movie's funniest moments. Blake Anderson from Workaholics plays Will, a black market dealer and hacker; here his scatterbrained, awkward humor brings more than a few smiles to my face. Surprisingly, I enjoyed A$ap Rocky as Dom. He plays the role naturally, able to bounce effortlessly from causal conversation about the state of nostalgic hip-hop to frustration with a deal gone wrong to intimidation when threatening a bouncer. I hope this isn't a one-off for A$ap; he has charisma and shows promise as an actor. 

Director Rick Famuyiwa has created an ambiguous film. From the opening title card, which showcases multiple definitions for "dope", with both positive and negative connotations, Famuyiwa suggests we should analyze the following characters and events with open-mindedness. The film will sometimes show an event, and rewind (literally, at one point) to play it back, but shown from a different point of view, a different context. Not only does this fill the gaps between plot and subplot, but Famuyiwa will use this technique to flip the script, lead us emotionally.

Malcolm's main conflict (outside of you know, DRUGS) is with his sense of identity, particularly his racial and cultural identity. Here, race is so strictly tied to culture, that any interests which lies outside of the cultural norm implies a lack of Blackness. Surely, this nerd who enjoys Game of Thrones and plays in a punk rock band can't equally enjoy Young Jeezy.

This clash of interests can be trivial, but as Malcolm goes down a laundry list of what's considered to be "White shit", he ends with "getting good grades". Dope addresses the inferiority complex felt, not only in the Black community, but in lower-class neighborhoods as well. Malcolm's Harvard aspirations are scoffed at, his desire to eschew the "smart kid, single mom, bad neighborhood" narrative in favor of an essay focused solely on his merits is labeled as "arrogant" by a teacher (Bruce Beatty). Famuyiwa sets up the conversation well, and though the movie sympathizes with Malcolm, it's hard to distance oneself from the safety and comfort of realistic expectations. 

But perhaps, that's the attitude that needs to change. Dope is about risk, about accepting and loving the quirks and intricacies of one's personality, not settling for mediocrity because of the deal one's been handed in life. It's intelligent, hysterical, and motivational, all while sending a love letter to 90's hip-hop culture: definitely worth a watch.

Thank you all for reading; I'm the Man Without a Plan, signing off.

"Jurassic World" Review

Inspired by the pun-laden headlines I've read in the past few days, here are my top ten completely-made-up-on-the-spot headlines for Jurassic World!

10) Burt Macklin - Raptor Wrangler.
9) Evolve - The Motion Picture.
8) Jurassic World: Age of Indominus
7) I Have a Big Head and Longer Arms! Eat It!
6) Fish Are Friends, Not *CHOMP*
5) Jurassic World: The Search For Animatronics
4) Jurassic World: Home of the World's Strongest Pair of Heels
3) Jurassic World: Brought to You By Samsung, Starbucks, Hilton, Coca-Cola, Pepsi, Pandora, Brookstone, Ben and Jerry's, Verizon, and Margaritaville.
2) How One Raptor Learns the True Meaning of Friendship.

And my top made-up-on-the-spot headline for Jurassic World is...

1) You're My Boy, Blue!
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There hasn't been a day in life where I've lived without the existence of Jurassic Park (it released three days before my birthday). I remember reading my dad's little archive of Entertainment Weekly as a kid and being terrified, yet drawn in by the nightmarish T-Rex. The images of Wayne Knight with a Barbasol can full of dino embryos, the cup of water rippling, and dinosaurs traversing a wide, lush valley are permanently imprinted in my psyche - part of my collective memory of childhood. It just so happens that Jurassic Park is also a damn great movie, the film that best defines Steven Spielberg's career: full of adventure, curiosity, and interest in scientific possibility, shown through the eyes of ordinary people.

So one can imagine how 22 years later (this time two days before my birthday), Jurassic World has massive shoes to fill. The previous two sequels, The Lost World and Jurassic Park III always felt like remakes to me; nothing really differentiates them from the original. However,  Jurassic World promised to be the sequel I always wanted from its tagline: "The Park Is Open."

So what is Jurassic World like when finally open? Pretty much like every zoo you've seen before. Children ride baby Triceratops in a petting zoo; the Mosasaurs leap for food (in this case, a particularly digital-looking Great White shark) and splash the crowd a la Shamu; and the resort offers exhilarating, never-before-experienced activities like "Jurassic Tennis".

But also, like every zoo you've been to, they thrive on crowd-pleasing attractions. In this case, as park manager Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) says to a group of investors, "Consumers want them bigger, louder, more teeth." This attitude fuels the genetic research lab to splice together a medley of dinosaurs, reptiles, and other creatures to build the Indominus Rex: fifty feet of pure, unadulterated predator. However, what's scary isn't the beast's size or ferocity, but its intellect, its ability to strategize and outwit any opponent, including its handlers.

When the Indominus breaks free from its paddock, the hunt is on, as park staff, and a team of private security led by the war-hungry Hoskins (Vincent D'Onofrio) rush to either sedate the dinosaur or take it out for good. Claire gets roped into the hunt when her nephews Zach and Gray (Nick Robinson and Ty Simpkins) go missing in the same area, and enlists ex-Navy sailor and raptor trainer Owen (Chris Pratt) to help find them.

Before the Indominus escapes, though, Jurassic World fills forty-five minutes with exposition, stereotypes, and a smattering of plot points that get tossed to the wayside afterwards. In addition are the moments where the movie, in flashes of meta-commentary reflect on audience concerns; one scientist (Jake Johnson) bemoans the use of genetic hybrids and product placement, all while wearing a "vintage" Jurassic Park shirt; Owen snaps back at Claire, who's praising the hybrid program, with "They're dinosaurs. Wow enough." It's cute to see the filmmakers opt in on the complaints from old-school fans, but it comes off as distracting.

Jurassic World works best when enveloped in the manhunt (or Rex-hunt?). Director Colin Trevorrow keeps the action diverse, throws in satisfying surprises, and balances taking the story seriously with a fun, loose, adventurous tone. The film revels in being a blockbuster, taking advantage of its scope with an abundance of wide aerial landscapes and invigorating dinosaur action (in particular, a pterodactyl attack scene).

Pratt has finally come into his own as an action hero, with a Harrison Ford swagger and enough intensity to pull off drama. Ty Simpkins, whose filmography includes the first two Insidious flicks, Iron Man 3, and The Next Three Days, despite his age, has always had a strong screen presence, able to work flexibly across a wide berth of directors. He puts in his all, delivering some of the film's funniest, sweetest, heartwarming and heartbreaking moments.

Is Jurassic World perfect? Absolutely not. Does it contain major issues? Yes. However, let's not let nostalgia hold our memories of Jurassic Park too tightly. Spielberg knew he was making a blockbuster too; and Trevorrow respects the original while giving it some modern polish. This is a dinosaur flick for the millenials, and for what it is, it's an entertaining, well-crafted thrill ride. See it with the biggest popcorn and the best speakers. 

Thank you all for reading; I'm the Man Without a Plan, signing off.

"Insidious: Chapter 3" Review

With Insidious: Chapter 3, the series has started to roll down the Texas Chainsaw Massacre's slippery slope - a good idea stretched by prequels, remakes, and eventually, I predict, 3D. At this point, the franchise is a parody of itself; whatever atmosphere James Wan created is reduced to an executive's jack-in-the-box understanding of horror. Teens scream, then giggle hysterically. Rinse and repeat.

This entry is a prequel, set a few years before the Lambert haunting in the first Insidious. Hoping to contact her late mother, Quinn Brenner (Stefanie Scott) enlists the help of psychic/medium Elise Rainier (Lin Shaye). Elise declines, fearful of exposing herself to a spirit hellbent on her demise. However, when Quinn becomes plagued by an unknown entity, Elise must face her fear and fight to save Quinn's soul before it's enslaved to the darkness.

One can make the argument this is Elise's movie; a large portion is dedicated to her inner dilemmas and interactions with the realm of the dead (known as the Further). She's always been the most intriguing character of the franchise, and much of this is due to Shaye's comforting, yet mysterious performance. The scenes involving Elise are the film's best, often the most atmospheric and nerve-wracking.

It's when we get to Quinn's story, however, that the movie devolves. There's nothing reprehensible with her (aside from those "don't go in there, you idiot" moments). However, Scott doesn't add anything to the role that any other actress her age couldn't; look only to Maika Monroe from "It Follows" or Annalise Basso from "Oculus". The supporting cast, so underused they feel like a series of cameos, is forgettable, save for some comic relief by Quinn's father (Dermot Mulroney) and a pair of bumbling ghost hunters (Angus Sampson and director Leigh Whannell) who are so wildly out of place you can't help but love them.

From the title card, the cacophony of violins serves as a taste of what's to come. Noise has been Insidious's staple since the beginning, and it's no different here. Nearly every scare comes with a sting and a bass thud; after a while, it stops startling and starts infuriating. Whannell, writer of the previous Insidious films, fails to pull off the chest-pounding tension Insidious 1 and 2 director James Wan does so well; as a result, Insidious: Chapter 3 doesn't have enough time to build dread before a makeup-laden face mugs for the camera.

For a series increasingly focused in explaining how the Further works, what motivates the dead to leech off the living, and their reasons for latching on to certain individuals, I found this film to be surprisingly empty on answers. The second film provided a full backstory for the demon. Here, we know next to nothing, aside from the spirit's use of a breathing mask. The rules of the Further and classifications of its dead remain vague, subject to whatever piece of dialogue will best get the audience to go "ooh."

What this chalks up to, in the end, is a series that's worn out its welcome, comfortable with dumbing itself down to make a quick profit. Out of all this year's horror, it's not as scary as It Follows, funny as the Poltergeist remake, or even as infuriating as Unfriended. It's just mediocre.

Thank you all for reading; I'm the Man Without A Plan, signing off.

"San Andreas" Review

What's the harm in a simple story? It seems like "simple" is a dirty word, the politically correct way to call out a lazy screenwriter. We want our plots contorted, revamped, blended; that's where the genius comes from. However, I don't think simple is the issue. According to Christopher Booker, all of storytelling stems from only seven basic plots.We regard stories like The Odyssey and Beowulf as classics, though their plots are easy to comprehend. The problem, I think, doesn't lie in simplicity, but rather execution.

There's something to be said about the rarity of well-executed simple films. Often times, it feels like in an attempt to throw in twists and unconventional plot structures, screenwriters try to hook their audience in with a big idea and let the details settle themselves. Tomorrowland, for example, possesses intriguing ideas about the future, the technology and attitudes towards it. However, where Brad Bird and Damon Lindelof missed the mark was in fleshing the ideas out, keeping the plot and characters focused. Is Tomorrowland an ambitious film? Yes, but ambition only gets you so far.

This is where San Andreas pleasantly surprises me. Director Brad Peyton understands the tropes of a disaster movie; he relishes in them (an early scene with a teen driving her convertible possesses a refreshingly wry self-awareness). Buildings crumble, dams burst, cars are swept by a tsunami like a kid hosing down ants, all while our heroes narrowly ('by the skin of their gums' is more like it) escape death. Armageddon, The Day After Tomorrow, and 2012 gave us similar destruction, but what separates San Andreas is the stuff in between. From the acting to direction, cinematography to effects, screenwriting to editing, the movie wraps me up in the story, not just the mayhem.

Dwayne Johnson plays Ray Gaines, a rescue pilot for the Los Angeles Fire Department. After a catastrophic earthquake hits along the San Andreas Fault, Ray rushes to ensure the safety of his ex-wife Emma (Carla Gugino) and daughter Blake (Alexandra Daddario). All the while, a Caltech seismology professor (Paul Giamatti) and students have successfully developed a theory for predicting earthquakes. When they discover more quakes on the way, they scramble to warn the public.

Johnson has the natural charisma of a great action star; he is my generation's Schwarzenegger. His characters are one-liner spewing bad-asses with a mischievous, often childlike grin, and this likable nature allows us to follow Ray along for the ride as he pilots all manner of vehicles through all manner of disaster zones. When other actors go against spectacle, they get shut down, the focus turning toward the effects. When Johnson does so, his charisma supersedes spectacle. I root for him, and hope he triumphs over the impossible (and improbable).

It's refreshing to see a resurgence of women this summer with Mad Max, Pitch Perfect 2, and Tomorrowland. The market's been recently flooded with well-written female characters, and it's a trend that's steadfastly sticking around. Alexandra Daddario's Blake is stellar. When the earthquake hits, she guides a pair of brothers, Ben and Ollie, (Hugo Johnstone-Burt and Art Parkinson) through the city towards higher ground. Throughout the film, she's using her survival skills and knowledge of emergency procedures to survive. She keeps a cool head and thinks quick on her feet; it's a blast to see her mind at work.

In recent years, movies like Man of Steel, 2012, and the Transformers series have numbed me to the shock of urban demolition. They treat explosions and rubble so trivially, destruction doesn't faze me. Again, execution is what sets San Andreas apart. My suspension of disbelief is stretched by how these scenes progress, but in a movie about deadly earthquakes leveling the Hollywood sign, am I really pushing for scientific accuracy? Not only do the likable characters keep us invested in their troubles, the spectacle comes at us in a variety of layers, both in scope and style. The CGI, when it comes to falling buildings and tsunamis, is well done (I can't say as much for some tighter shots, where one can almost see the green screen). For the larger moments, I was drawn in by how they were paced; they built tension and threw a couple monkey wrenches in the right places that legitimately shocked me.

San Andreas, unlike other disaster movies, is smart enough to keep itself contained to the city. It keeps the story under two hours, using its time effectively to balance characters, plot, and destruction. It's a prime example of how efficient film-making should look like, bringing home a well-executed complete package. If you're looking for an exciting, heartfelt, and jaw-dropping disaster flick, this one is well, well worth your time.

"Tomorrowland" Review

Brad Bird's Tomorrowland released in theaters last week and my expectations couldn't have been higher. Not because of the movie, per se, though the trailer piqued my attention. I'm here for Mr. Bird, one of my favorite directors, whose films are cemented into the highest echelon of my esteem. I consider The Incredibles and The Iron Giant to be animated classics (the latter is one of my top five all-time favorites). Ratatouille won the 2007 Oscar for Best Animated Feature, and Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol received acclaim from critics and audiences alike. Whatever this man touches is supposed to be gold, so I'm going to blame the following statement partly on the detriment of heightened expectations: Tomorrowland is just ok.

 

Casey Newton (Britt Robertson) is an engineering prodigy, an optimist with an endless drive to find solutions to seemingly insolvable problems. When she discovers a mysterious pin that shows flashes of a futuristic, technologically advanced city, she embarks on a journey to find it. This leads her to Frank Walker (George Clooney), an embittered scientist exiled from the city, which he tells her is named Tomorrowland.

Walker, using Tomorrowland's technology, is able to look into the future, which showcases a series of cataclysmic events - natural disasters, wars, climate change - signaling, with 100% probability, the end of Earth as we know it. However, Casey's refusal to accept defeat makes the probability drop to 99.994%, a slight shift, but a phenomenon that hasn't occurred, Frank says, in decades. Inspired by the little drop of hope, the two team up to travel to Tomorrowland and try to save the future before time runs out.

For Tomorrowland, the phrase "mixed bag" comes to mind - a smattering of plot elements, characters, effects, and scenes held by broad themes of perseverance and optimism. The result is an complicated plot meant to serve a message understood in the first ten minutes. My explanation above didn't include both Casey and Frank's backstories, who gave Casey the pin and why, the history of Tomorrowland, the cause of the dark future and how Casey can influence its probability. The film pushes forward, expediting backstories and motives, rarely allowing time to breathe and let these elements sink in. It's easier to tune out exposition until the next action scene or major development, so in cramming the details, Tomorrowland ironically drags along.

It's difficult to pinpoint who Tomorrowland is aimed at. The PG rating is a wide umbrella to work with, but it's a tad jarring to juxtapose goofy comic relief with decapitated androids, Casey bumbling down stairs mixed with scenes of extras mercilessly vaporized. Casey's wide-eyed optimism borders on naivete for someone old enough to drive; Young Frank (Thomas Robinson) delivers his lines as if he were performing on a sitcom. These characters come off more like Disney Channel stars than real teenagers and kids. And that's not to say Brad Bird doesn't know how to write children. In The Iron Giant and The Incredibles, children are ambitious and optimistic, but they're also awkward, insecure; they speak like real kids, with a looseness that doesn't only serve plot development. In Tomorrowland's efforts to present its themes, it sacrifices the grounded characters we've grown to know and love from Bird's previous works.

Where Tomorrowland exceeds expectations, however, is in its production value. This is a gorgeous movie: bright and bursting at the seams with color. From the golden fields surrounding Tomorrowland to the 1964 World's Fair, each set sucks me in, combing all over the screen to take it all in. Integrate a 50's/60's sci-fi vibe, similar to comic books of the era, and you've drawn me in. The action takes advantage of the genre, throwing out inventive gadgets (including a flying bathtub) as Casey and Frank outwit their enemies. These scenes are expertly orchestrated and are the best pieces of the puzzle.

The actors are likable, and the action and visuals are commendable, but at the end of the day, the story's sloppy with the details and too simple with its ideas. Innovation requires more than motivation to truly impact our world. Tomorrowland overly simplifies inspiration's effect on a creative process; by doing so, it places more emphasis on desire than effort. These elements should be balanced out if one's to avoid passing the intellectual buck to the next generation of innovators and inventors. However, for how awkward the message comes out, I don't believe Tomorrowland has ill intentions, rather weak execution. It is an original story; I only wish it could live up to the caliber of Brad's other work.

Thank you all for reading; I'm the Man Without a Plan, signing off.    

"Avengers: Age of Ultron" Review: Episode II - The Divide

My second viewing of Avengers: Age of Ultron took place last Sunday. After the tumultuous Thursday (described in detail in Episode I), I needed to toss out the remnants of bad experience, and go in with as much of a fresh mind as I could muster. In my case, that's best achieved with a Coke in hand and family/friends next to me. No 3D probably helped.

After recovering Loki's scepter from the HYDRA research base in Sokovia, the Avengers - Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.), Captain America (Chris Evans), Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Black Widow (Scarlett Johannson), and Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) return to their New York headquarters to celebrate. Tony Stark and Bruce Banner determine they can fuse the scepter's power with Stark's security program, Jarvis, to create a global peacekeeping project called Ultron, an AI that could mobilize and command Stark's army of robotic suits in the event of another alien attack. When Ultron (James Spader) is activated, he decides (in typical sci-fi fashion) that humanity is the problem and needs to be eliminated; it's now up to the Avengers to take Ultron down and save the world.

My feelings here are complicated, in the same way after I saw Iron Man 3. I felt the hype, rushed to the theater opening weekend (in a top hat and suit, I might add), and enjoyed the experience; but on the drive home, I found myself addressing inconsistencies and flaws. Once the hype died down, I could step back and realize that the movie didn't work as well. But while I utterly dislike Iron Man 3, Age of Ultron is fun!

There are gems here, some which are executed even better than in the original. We get to explore characterization for lesser-focused characters, such as Black Widow and Hawkeye. Hawkeye actually becomes the runaway performance here; from a stoic crony-turned-friend in the last film, the character's come into his own, as a sarcastic every-man who, with talk of aliens, gauntlets, and robots, is in over his head, but dutifully continues to fight for the greater good, no matter the odds. Renner gives the character showmanship, but balances this with an earnest folksiness that's endearing.

Look at this gif. Let it sink into your mind. The child in me roared with joy. I've been waiting to see Iron Man's Hulkbuster for years, and the bout (as opposed to last Saturday) didn't disappoint. The stakes are high, with each hero dishing as many hits as he takes. Infrastructure is crushed, buildings are wrecked, and Tony's one-liners, juxtaposed against such visceral imagery work their magic here. There's a playfulness to this fight and the action in general that elevates it past the usual apocalypse porn. The fight is a consequence of the story, rather than bloodlust.

Speaking of bloodlust, let's talk about Man of Steel. One of that film's greater faults was the wanton destruction of Metropolis, where Superman's defense ended up in obliteration and the death of millions. I'm sad to call it refreshing whenever Age of Ultron places an importance not only on defeating Ultron, but the manner in which the Avengers do it. Captain America makes it clear: the Avengers defend and protect. He refuses to accept any civilian casualty, and as the leader, holds the rest of the group to this higher standard. This isn't always the most tactical decision, sure; but if heroes are to portray humanity's courage and nobility, should we not expect anything less?

So where does Age of Ultron falter? Sloppy writing. Plot points are brought up, but never fully explained; characterizations are either underwritten (Black Widow), grossly ill-developed (Tony Stark), or confusing in tone (Ultron); information is stuffed in to further the universe's overarching story, regardless of whether it's paced well. Throughout the movie, I get an overwhelmed feeling, as if writer/director Joss Whedon was butting heads with Marvel Studios producer Kevin Feige as to what needs to be placed in the movie and how much time each element should receive.

The first Avengers was the payoff to a sprawling cinematic project. In the years preceding Iron Man, where the third installments of the X-Men and Spider-Man series were criticized as bloated messes, the idea of a cinematic universe that could tie together a plethora of characters from different films was insane, impossible to pull off with different writers, directors, and studio executives all influencing the creative process. However, as the MCU grew, offering nuggets of information through post-credits scenes and many Phil Coulson/Nick Fury cameos, the idea became less and less far-fetched until finally, at the end of Captain America, we got a teaser trailer for the first Avengers. 

The rest is history: the movie became, domestically, the third highest-grossing movie of all time (not adjusting for inflation), lauded by critics and audiences, and the only film at the time that seemingly could contend with The Dark Knight for best comic book movie (I personally put my money on Avengers, but that discussion can take place on another post). The biggest risks earn the biggest rewards, so it only makes sense that Marvel Studios' experiment paid off, and paid off handsomely.

So what does this history mean for Age of Ultron? Simply put, the hype is its Achilles heel. People were expecting lightning to strike twice, but Avengers and Age of Ultron serve two different purposes. Where the first film proved the MCU was functional, the sequel acts as a bridge, trying to tie up loose ends of the MCU's second phase and tease Phase 3 elements (the likes of which include Black Panther, Captain America 3, and of course, Avengers: Infinity War - Part 1 and 2. Does this leave Age of Ultron a less focused, less satisfying movie than Avengers? Yes. However, does it fail to entertain? Hardly. I'd say go see it, but you probably already have.

Thank you all for reading; I'm the Man Without a Plan, signing off.

"Avengers: Age of Ultron" Review: Episode 1 - Story Time (Or the Anticipated Cluster of Nonsense)

(Why "Episode 1"? Because I've got a bit of context to add to the review that ended up being a few bits more than expected. If you want to read the normal review, check out Episode 2, which will be up later. - The Man Without A Plan)

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Last Thursday, I found myself racing down the highway to deliver a late term paper to my professor. I knew I was losing ten points each day it wasn't in his hand, and that in order to finish the essay and deliver it, I had to skip half of the Avengers double-feature at the theater (a $25 investment). It was more than likely, a sliver away from certain, that I wasn't going to make it in time for Age of Ultron, but I couldn't justify losing 20 points on a paper because of a movie...even if it was one of the year's biggest blockbusters.

I hauled ass in five o'clock traffic, which eventually turned to six and six-thirty (the movie was at seven). As I sprinted from the frat houses' back parking lot to Wooten Hall two streets away, I estimated that if I broke warp speed in my car, I'd still get to the movie a half hour late. With paper in tow (almost crashing head-first into the door), I burst in the building only to find my professor's office and the department mail room locked. I paced around aimlessly for a minute before the dash to Wooten devolved into a dejected walk back to the lot. I'm still not sure the expletive I roared in the car wasn't overheard by the guys smoking nearby.

The tires screeched into a Nordstrom parking space at 7:30; my feet glided up the winding staircase; I nearly flew, Michael Jordan-style, over the crowd control barriers; and as soon as I landed in front of the box office, my headache finally caught up, like a baseball bat to the temple.

The next ten minutes can be described as follows -

INT. AMC THEATERS - LATE AFTERNOON

DANIEL waits for the LADY at the box office to print out his ticket for the Avengers double-feature, which he's two-and-a-half hours late to.

LADY 

You know this show started at 4:30 right?

DANIEL

(laughing bitterly) 

Yes. Believe me, I know.

LADY

What? Why isn't this working? Kelly, can you come over here?

KELLY, a short brunette cosplaying Black Widow, turns around, approaching the lady's console.

KELLY

Did you try the thing?

LADY

Yeah, it's not confirming.

Kelly awkwardly glances up at Daniel who grins back sympathetically. 

KELLY

Do the other thing; I've got to handle these guys.

LADY

I'm sorry sir; come around to the back, we'll get it settled.

INT. AMC THEATERS - BACK OF BOX OFFICE - CONT.

Kelly oversees a YOUNG MAN facing the console with a blank, confused stare as three TEENS wait with goofy impatience.

The lady motions to a MANAGER to come forward. She walks up to the lady behind the counter.

MANAGER

What's going on?

LADY

He bought a ticket online; the system won't confirm it.

MANAGER

I'm sorry, sir. We should have this up in a minute.

Daniel gives her a half-smile. One of the teens digs his pointer finger in his nostril, possibly in a search for a golden nugget of decency.

The manager, annoyed, comes out from behind the box office. She approaches Daniel.

MANAGER

Sorry for the wait. I'm just going to escort you to the theater; you should be good.

DANIEL

Thanks, that's fine.

They walk past the ticket-checker and concessions stand.

DANIEL

I can imagine the day's been hectic.

MANAGER (chuckling)

And it's only gonna get worse. Now, it's slowed down, but later? Phew.

She stands to the side of the theater door, motioning to the sign - "16: Avengers Double-Feature".

DANIEL

Thanks for your help.

MANAGER

No problem, enjoy your movie.

INT. AVENGERS SCREENING - CONTINUOUS

Daniel walks into the theater, looks up towards the screen, and in a moment of realization, frowns.

DANIEL

Damn. The 3D glasses.

After going back to grab the glasses and positioning myself in the far left seat on the second row, I watched the movie. My neck craned towards the IMAX screen, head bursting into twenty pieces, and eyes struggling to keep up with the 3D projection made for a miserable experience, one of the worst I've ever had. 

The movie ended and it didn't wow me like I expected; I was reserving a spot on next year's Top Ten for this, and not only couldn't I reasonably do so, I felt animosity towards it. If I would've written a review the next day, "Avengers: Age of Ultron" would've received two-and-a-half stars. But bad experiences and high expectations aren't the movie's fault, and if there's anything to be learned from this rant/story, it's this: we're fickle, often ready to lose our minds if a movie ONLY gets a 8 out of 10 on IMDB, tossing out the baby with the bathwater if a sequel isn't a masterwork of perfection. If I can be ready to rage against a film for something as trite as a late paper, I think I need to calm down a bit, and to the mob of angry critics and Twitter users, I recommend the same.

So with that out of the way, stay tuned. We're gonna be talking Avengers: Age Of Ultron. 

Thank you for reading (if you actually took the time for this, with all seriousness, I thank you); I'm the Man Without a Plan, signing off.